I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
