I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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