Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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