You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
