Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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