oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Two words: nipple clamps
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