dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
