She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
