foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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