you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He shit in the fireplace
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
