Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
