Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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