I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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