maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
