I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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