and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize