he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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