Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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