ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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