YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Randomize
