too bad you live with your parents still
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
