we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize