he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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