I will die if light touches me.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
