Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
