It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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