I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
