You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
