....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
