my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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