do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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