Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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