What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
