wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
