If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
