the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
