Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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