I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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