He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
