Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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