I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
