They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
