How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
