i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i dont even know how to be here
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
