He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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