i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
