honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
