this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize