OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I have tasted many bathrooms
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
