Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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