We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Randomize
