i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
