Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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