shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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