Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
