it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
