I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
