i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Randomize
