That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
