turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My life is pants optional.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
