New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
