My first STD was from a foam party
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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