He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
