were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
