Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize