I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
