aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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