Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
