So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
