Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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