Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
