Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
