my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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